So, I turn 30 tomorrow. It is sort of weird. I remember thinking 30 was really something that would take a long time to happen to me, then suddenly, here it is. It just appeared out of nowhere. Time was apparently moving at warp speed when I thought we were just putzing along, Sunday driver style.
I have been thinking about being 30 a lot, and kind of wondering if it scares me as much as I think it should. I guess it doesn't... really. The only thing it has done effectively is to give me some regrets. I regret that I just realized the kind of person I want to be and started making a concentrated effort to be that person. I regret that I spent 29 years (give or take), having no direction. Floundering around in the world, looking for my voice, my purpose, myself. Oddly, when I finally realized who I wanted to be, it had very little to do with ME! I want to be a better wife, a better mama, and a better believer. Most of the things I want to be "when I grow up" are concentrated on service to others.
So, I guess the biggest regret is that for 29 years, I have been a little egocentric if you will. I spent the greater part of that time worrying about MY best interest, my wants, desires, and happiness. Once I realized that the focus shouldn't be me, it was amazing how quickly my interests, wants, desires and happiness were fulfilled by my service to others.
Two BIG things have happened this week, and I guess maybe the timing is coincidental, but it is probably more like a God thing if I am being honest. First of all, I developed a spot on my face. Here I was, thinking that all I was getting for my 30th birthday was skin cancer and a scar smack dab in the middle of my face to prove it. Here I was thinking "I am not ready to be sick. My kids, my kids, my kids." I finally convinced myself to go see a dermatologist, and guess what, it wasn't skin cancer. So for my birthday, I didn't get a scar, I got perspective. I got a wake up call. That is pretty great gift. Thanks God.
Secondly, I have spent a lot of time recently and in the past trying to figure out how to impact the world. Last week I realized that my heart is ministering to those who are affected by abortion, pre and post, and girls who think that the things that they have done define them and that there is no turning back from where they are today. While I have never had an abortion, I have many friends that I have seen go down that road. I have also been in a place where I felt that my decisions defined me and that there was no going back. So, I am moving forward, starting a ministry to those girls who are lost and those women who are hurting.
I ask that you would please pray for me as I start this journey and if you are interested in helping in other ways, let me know. I don't know what those ways are yet, but I bet God will make it clear to me in time.
That is all.
